All in On Everyday Living

Three years and a new chapter.

My dear girls,

This month marks three whole years of getting to love each other. A thousand days of crazy and imperfection, much of which was my own. No one else has seen my weakness quite the way that you have. No one has seen me more confused, more impatient, more angry, more fearful. I’ve known for awhile now that this chapter of us was winding down, and I have been searching everywhere for the just right words to say.

Currently.

I learn to practice the spiritual discipline of saying no this week. We’ve been invited to spend the evening with friends, but Monday, we run like chickens with our heads cut off to finish the pressing errands, Tuesday is house church, and Thursday is already double booked. I haven’t picked up a book or a pen or gone to yoga in what feels like a month of Sundays. I admit to a friend that I don’t know if saying yes to another thing would be the best decision for my mental and emotional health—not this week, anyway.

Currently.

Yesterday morning, the sun finally came out of hiding after what felt like 84 years of rainy blur. I volunteer to lead our little church’s peace passing rhythm, sharing what has been growing in me over the last few weeks: the beautiful truth that we who have been marked by Jesus may live freely and without accusation. I remember the story of a son who comes home and a dad who has been waiting for him, and I try to remember that this freedom is for me, too.

Currently.

We meet on a cold and rainy Saturday, praying through liturgy and psalms and inviting Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to have their way in our hearts and minds. We laugh together, and we cry together, and I try to scribble down all the beautiful, holy moments, but there are too many. We are living the mystery together, and it is not lost on my heart how very far I’ve come to arrive at this moment. It is not lost on my heart how very far I still have to go.

The truth & beauty of staying in the process.

Towards the end of 2018, I heard many people saying that the year had actually felt like five. I found myself nodding, thinking about the roads that my dear friends and I have traveled over the last several months. Some of us still feel neck deep in uncertain waters, circumstances we would not have chosen if life had bothered to ask. There are so many situations where I wish I could snap my fingers or wave a magic wand and set things right side up again.

Goals + nongoals for 2019.

Last year, I did something a little crazy and took a page from Erin Loechner’s blog, Design for Mankind. For the past handful of years, rather than sharing traditional resolutions for the upcoming year, she shared a list of things that she was proud of in the current year and didn’t have any plans to change. Needless to say, I fell head over heels in love with that idea and made my own list last year. Now, I’m continuing the tradition for 2018.